As featured in Soul & Spirit Magazine
We all experience negativity. It is a natural and normal psychological and physical message from your mind, body and spirit letting you know something is not quite right or how you think it should be. Its primary purpose is to keep you safe.
Whether the negativity you experience is through thoughts, feelings, emotions, actions, behaviours or self-talk, it is part of the human existence and it does have an impact on your life. What matters is the meaning you give it, and then what you do with it when it shows up. Do you give it a bad meaning, stuff it down inside, hoping it will never rear its ugly head again? Do you ignore it and put on a brave face hoping it will go away? Or do you give it a positive meaning, embrace it and then seek to understand it?
You cannot hide from it, ignore it or stuff it down. Why? Because spiritually negativity is not negative it has a purpose! This is why positive thinking does not counteract negativity in the long term. This is why, for example, when you want to lose weight you put it back on again. This is why you continue to sabotage similar events in your life. This is why when you want to work on an important project you procrastinate.
All negativity is energy. The great thing about energy is that it can be changed, released and transformed into something that will serve you, rather than incapacitate or hinder you. So if you change the meaning of negativity from something that is bad to something that is natural and here to help you learn from, watch what happens! Crazy I know, especially when it makes you feel so bad. I promise that when you start to do this, and the more you do, you will see the evidence of the change in your life too.
With this in mind, below are 10 scenarios that I have seen and heard from my clients that trigger a negative reaction, together with a mini exercise to release the negativity (in italics). Please note the exercises are just one way (not every way) of releasing negativity. You will find more in depth exercises in my book The Ego’s Code, which also support you at a deeper level.
I also want you to know that I have discussed this article with my twin-flame soul mate Lindsay. As a busy mum and businesswomen I thought it essential to add her feminine wisdom too!
So, I invite you to take the 24-hour challenge and notice when, where and how you feel better. Even if you just do 2 or 3 of the exercises you will feel a change and that’s so empowering in today’s busy world for women.
- Your alarm goes off and your first thought is to hit the alarm in frustration before begrudgingly getting out of bed
BE CREATIVE. Sit up in bed, close your eyes and take THREE deeeeeeeep breaths and relaaaaaax. Then, ‘create your day.’ For just 5 minutes (longer if you can), think about how you want your day to unfold. Focus and flow your energy into creating the most awesome day possible. What would the best day look, feel and sound like? How will you interact with your friends, family and colleagues? Also, ask for a miracle to show up in your day to surprise you.
- You start getting dressed and negative thoughts about how you look in the mirror start to build in your mind “Is that another wrinkle” “I’ve put on weight” “I’m looking older”
BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Smile and share, with you, the things you love about you.
If this is a regular occurrence prepare 8 things in advance, you love about yourself to share with you in the moment.
- Your ‘trying’ to eat more healthy, but yet again you have an unhealthy breakfast…. then you beat yourself up, “Why did you eat that same old crap AGAIN! You know its not good for you!”
BE WELL. Set yourself up to win. Don’t buy foods that you know will trigger negativity and cause you to feel bad. Clear out your cupboards. Take the food you don’t want to the local food bank – this will make you feel good because you are helping others. Then, only have food in your cupboards that will support you to be healthy.
- Your driving to work, frustration builds more and more as you get stuck in traffic on the commute!
BE FREE AND EXPRESS. This one is very cathartic. Firstly, you need to get the frustration ‘OUT’ of your system by having a good ROOOOOOAAAAAAR or scream out loud (not at other drives though…just get the frustration out!). Then take three (or more) deep breaths to calm you down and centre yourself. Finally, put on your favourite high-energy song and ‘car dance’ your way to work…the crazier the better.
- You get to work and see ‘that’ girl again…! You’re so jealous of the way she looks, the way she ‘parades’ herself around and the way people seem to be drawn to her!
BE THANKFUL. This person is a gift for you. Whatever, it is that you don’t like about her is a mirror for you, of what you want too! And…it’s OK for you to want it e.g., to be seen or thought about in a different way. Realise that if she can do it, you can too! The only thing stopping you is your negativity. In that moment, write down as many positive ways you can do it too.
- You get to lunchtime, and realise you’ve forgotten your lunch….Aaaaargh!
BE EXCITED. If you’ve forgotten your lunch it’s because unconsciously you didn’t really want it in the first place, otherwise you would have remembered it. So get excited, rather than frustrated, because now you get to choose the lunch you really want!
- The afternoon just seems to be draaaaaaaging on, you look at your watch wishing you could leave…. but only 5 minutes has passed since the last time you looked at it.
BE FOCUSED: Focusing on negativity will only make the afternoon drag on longer and make you feel worse. Have a photo on your desk or on your phone of a special memory, somewhere you could call your ‘happy place’ – a wonderful, joyful experience you’ve had.
Then spend five minutes thinking about that special time. Close your eyes, breathe into it and with every breath, relax and allow the joyful experience to fill you up. Be there again in your mind, body and spirit.
BE COURAGEOUS. If the feeling of draaaaaaagging on is a regular occurrence, it’s time to acknowledge you don’t love what you do, that it doesn’t make your heart sing and that it may be time to find another job or career. Just owning this fact and choosing to make a change will be healing.
- After work you go shopping for a new ‘special’ outfit for a party, but you can’t find what you are looking for.
BE GRATEFUL. Call a close friend, who will understand. Ask them what outfits they’ve seen you in that make you look amazing!
- You finally get home, to find the washing up has not been done!
BE OPEN. Before you get angry with someone, separate the person from their behaviour; in other words love the person who should have done the washing up and not their behaviour. There may be a good explanation. Calmly, with love and joy in your heart share how you feel, tell them what you need and agree how it will be different next time.
- As your evening goes on, you start to feel horny and want to have sex with your partner, but he or she, is too tired to have sex… again! You start to worry that you are not attractive anymore, not valued and worse not desired.
BE ADVENTUROUS. Remember a time, when you last had great sex together. What was it in that moment that sparked the intimacy and desire between you? Then repeat it. Whatever created the desire in the past will create it again!
If on the other hand, it is you that doesn’t want sex again, firstly appreciate it’s a great thing someone desires you. Then ask yourself, what do you actually need in this moment – a cuddle? To be held? Or some chatting… to warm up your engine!
Finally, where you put your focus your energy flows. It will either flow ‘at you’, ‘at someone else’ as in the scenarios above causing you pain, or be in flow ‘with you.’ Remember, in all the scenarios you feel it first! Good or bad!
When you change your focus and the meaning of your negativity, you change your outcome and how you feel.
Be kind to yourself
Share your magic with you first, and
Enjoy the gift of you!